When you know your personal bounds, you create healthy boundaries in your life and learn to adhere to them. Even though the catch-phrase “know no bounds” has a positive connotation, it isn’t always applicable. My catch-phrase became “know my bound(aries)” as I realized that having boundaries allowed me to clearly communicate to others how I wanted to be treated. Essentially, if you identify your boundaries and learn to unapologetically establish them, you will create a healthier life for you and those who love you. Know no bounds while knowing your boundaries creates balance.
No bounds around
In childhood, I did not learn anything about boundaries. My parents were young when they had both my sister and me. Therefore, they grew up alongside of me and were still forming their identities as I formed mine. As a result, I witnessed many adult situations at a young age. Maybe in ways, that can be beneficial. Yet, when you don’t have your childhood revered as precious, you quickly lose your innocence and shoulder adult responsibilities. The boundaries become blurred as you start to believe you are more mature than you actually are. Thus, childhood should be a time to have certain protections from the reality of the world.
(Side note: Parents of gifted children often treat them as equals and allow them to be privy to knowledge and experiences that their psychological development cannot process. If you have a gifted child, please be mindful that a strong penchant for logic and reason does not bypass child development phases. The rational part of the brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. Give gifted children the pleasure of being a child for as long as possible.)
But, this position of protection has all but evaporated. In today’s world of access to data at lightning fast speeds, insulation from mature themes appears impossible. Anything goes on the information superhighway creating boundary anarchy. When the availability of material about everything you ever wanted to know arises as a click, slide, and press away, boundaries vanish. In this case, know no bounds while knowing your boundaries turns out to be a practical improbability.
Parenting boundaries versus personal boundaries
As an adult, I recognize the distinction between parenting boundaries and personal boundaries while knowing some parents cannot distinguish. On occasion, parents read their children’s diary and/or listen in on their conversations. Yet, these actions become clear violations of their freedom of their personal thoughts or interactions.
Often times, when you discuss boundaries with a boundary violator, they feel it is their right to snoop. But, honestly, what gives anyone the right to infringe on someone else’s personal life? In essence, when parents engage in this type of behavior, lack of trust has materialized and eroded faith. Rather than infringe on their children’s privacy, parents who feel compelled to spy on their children need a deep delve into ascertaining why trust is compromised in the relationship.
Meanwhile, parenting requires consciously rearing a child through their development while providing support of all types throughout their children’s journey from infancy to adulthood. Certain boundaries exist that are crucial to providing precautions for emotional and physical wellbeing protection that children often ignore or cannot foresee. Finding the balance between safety and suffocation can be difficult, especially for those parents who carry a childhood wound regarding boundaries. Read more about how these wounds can affect parenting here: https://www.verywellfamily.com/avoid-being-an-overprotective-parent-4083853
The line you learn to draw
In essence, when you have issues with boundaries as an adult, either stated them or recognizing the importance of having them, you most likely did not learn boundaries as a child. I know that I am an extremely boundary-conscious person because I did not grow up with any in my younger years. But, that awareness only came after I experienced my first spiritual awakening, my first round of therapy, and my first phase of deep self-reflection. My mantra emerged: Know no bounds while knowing your boundaries.
However, despite the fact that I truly honored others’ boundaries, I forgot about myself. MY boundaries needed to be clearly defined and adopted. But the codependency in me that felt responsible to be everyone’s therapist at the expense of addressing my own wounds continuously reared its ugly head. As a result, I remained injured and unhealed.
In my 20s, I purged a lot of the overt unhealthy dynamics that needed to change. Nonetheless, in the fall of 2020, a deeply toxic friendship still existed until I had the courage to purge it. Because this person had a physical disability and my background in special education, I allowed a toxic dynamic to continue. Read more about this unease in my life here: https://tracinicolesmith.com/release-in-peace-by-letting-go/
What are boundaries?
• Can be physical, emotional, or energetic
• Are necessary for empaths and healers
• Should be created to protect and preserve our sense of self
• Allow for separation and disentanglement from others’ problems, feelings, and beliefs
• Value the significant learning that occurs from permitting others to experience their own journeys independently from yours
• Distinguish clearly the difference between “what is mine” and “what is yours”
• Prevent you from taking on the emotional content from others
• Set limits
• Clarify your own thoughts and feelings from others
• Provide clarity about who you are and what you will and won’t stand for
• Are overtly stated and reinforced
• Acknowledge a clear line of what is and isn’t acceptable
No time like the present to communicate boundaries
Recently, a test appeared on my new road which allowed me to communicate my boundaries. With utter confidence, I stated, “I do not have people in my life that lash out.” The liberation and freedom I felt from conveying this message deeply fills me with pride and immense confidence. The feelings someone else carries about my declaration becomes their concern, not mine, especially when I convey my thoughts with compassion.
In fact, if a deal breaker in a friendship involved stating boundaries, so be it. I do not lash out at others and will not allow this type of toxic behavior to exist in my realm. But, this is a remarkable change from the past when I searched for reasons others hurt me. In my current life, I no longer rationalize or justify behavior that does not positively affect my life. I don’t expect perfection yet require accountability and active ownership in relationships.
Endless possibilities fill the world. In essence, knowing no bounds allows you to create a life without allowing your mind to interfere. Constructing a clearly defined space for you to create evolves when you know no bounds while knowing your boundaries.